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Thinking Tuesday: those in-between human moments

19/11/2018

 
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​It’s thinking Tuesday and mid November and you know that that means…
 
Change.
 
November and March, I have noticed, always come with the end and the beginning of something important in our life. Ya? 
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November can feel particularly harsh however as we have just rolled back our clocks and the sun essentially sets at 4PM. Thankfully, Christmas lights have already made their appearance in the busy city and tranquil suburbs, brightening the remainder of our day.
 
Since November isn’t always an easy month, I thought of making this post about the small moments.
 
Moments we take for granted as they seem insignificant or simply the transition from one bigger moment to another. Yet, it is in those in between instants that we can witness sweet innocence and blind vulnerability, even just for a second.  And I come across them in the train a lot. Since I take the train almost every day now, it has given me time to sit back, enjoy my thermos coffee and read my book....while witnessing lots of these good old human moments. The ones that remind us that we are beings, simply going about our day in the best way we can. I want to share these with you. In hopes of restoring a bit of « faith in humanity » as the popular saying goes, distract you from your daily grind or just to let you know that, hey…you’re ok. 

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Without further ado, the list of sweet and innocent human instants or gestures I have witnessed in the past month :

  • The woman who wisely sits on the aisle side of the train seat every morning, saving the vacant spot beside her for her buddy (who will only get on the train two stations later)
  • The group of three guys who always sit in the same two-by-two seats that face each other, clearly morning people as they are always engaged in long conversations and smiling at each other
  • The guy sitting beside me, highly concentrated on an assignment perhaps, yet calmly typing away and working with purpose, aware of the train ride eventually coming to a stop
  • That young lady sitting across from me wearing glasses, with her stuff all spread out on the entire seat, carefully checking what seems to be an elaborate crochet work of an almost finished Santa Clause (which I complimented on my way out because holy $h*% bravo!)
  • A dude opening a bag of nachos and happily crunching them while watching the outside scenery
  • The student with a Jansport bag, swiping his hair to the left and bracing himself for yet another day of school before getting off at the next stop
  • A man casually applying lip balm before exiting the train
  • The man who ran after me while I was running for the bus simply to hand me back my favourite pair of leather gloves that I had dropped and would have never seen again
  • That one girl who strategically applied her mascara while the train was stopped
  • The same bus driver who greets me with a smile every day and who gives most passengers a break when they are running for it
  • Then there’s me, most likely munching on toast while listening to Paul Arcand or reading my book…fully taking comfort in that in-between moment while it lasts
 
It just feels as though, for those two minutes or seconds, we stand still while the world continues to run. And then before we know it, we’re off again. Yet many small moments of peacefulness, kindness and laughter add up to a pretty good day.
 
Have a great one!
 
Bee tiny moment appreciative!

Click here if you're having one of those moments right now...

I'm grateful!
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Understanding the Patronizing soul

21/10/2018

 
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​Hey there bee readers! After a super busy summer, I am happy to announce that we have hit quite a few home goals, decoratively speaking, and that I am slowly growing roots to the suburban life. Phil and I make quite the team as homeowners and though running a household differs in a million ways to living in a condo, I am loving it. I am also very glad to be in the city every day to get my fix, my Montreal!
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​Quizzing you on The Gram this week, I asked you guys if you would like to read about how to deal with a patronizing person and pretty much everyone answered yes (ok full disclosure, one person said no. Tough.). This is something that I feel is an interesting topic as we most likely all come across individuals who feel they have the right to tell us how to live our life or just plant us with unsolicited advice that makes us feel we didn’t know what we were doing in the first place. While it’s fine to deal with it on occasions, it can be quite a different story if you have to see this person at work or almost every day.
 
Personally, I have a hard time handling criticism, so when someone does make a remark on how I’m cooking or the way I do my work, it had better be a credible source and the message better be constructive (and not destructive) i.e. someone who knows me well and who truly does have good intentions at heart. If not, I will process this as an insult and my brain will let it go straight to my heart and I got emotions behind the wheel again. But that’s me and I have come to know when this is triggered.  Don’t catch me when I’m tired though, it won’t be pretty ;)


​So rather than shoot you some tips, I will take you through some of the thought process I sometimes go through to try and better understand where this “better than thou” approach comes from and consequently depersonalize it when I am faced with it.
 
First, as always, let us define what constitutes a patronizing individual. According to the online Merriam-Webster the patronizing adjective is:
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characterized by a superior attitude towards others : marked by condescension

So this means the individual feels he or she is clearly superior to you and uses a tone that belittles others. Let’s take a step back and see how they got to behave that way (and of course, we have all used a patronizing tone dare I say a few times in our lives but I am referring to the permanent patronizing kind of course).
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Beliefs and nurturing

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Psychology 101 for the patronizing will always look at nature and nurture within childhood experiences. That is, what has this person known as a child to be rewarding? What was this person praised for? Whatever the answer is has most likely forged the set of beliefs for this person.
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If, for example, little Paul was particularly rewarded for academic performance by his parents, he will most likely seek to repeat this in adulthood within the workplace, dismissing others who can’t keep up with his over-achieving manners. In fact, Harry Levinson from Harvard Business Review in the « The Abrasive Personality » piece mentions that 

such a person is most usually extremely intelligent. With a passion for perfection, accuracy, and completeness, he pushes (himself) very hard and can be counted on to do a job well, often spectacularly      

​I find this to be true as well. The trouble is, people with such behavioural preferences tend to forget individual differences and will perhaps omit empathy (sensitivity, what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes) when interacting and that is the part that will be abrasive and condescending. 
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Life experiences

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​What has this person known (aside from the parenting style they received) that has fostered the perfect environment for this hard “I am in charge” attitude? Have they taken care of an ill loved one? Were they the first born of three or more children and continuously responsible for them? Could they rely on trusted adults, a support system or did they always have to fend for themselves all the time?
 
If this person has essentially be trained to always be the “manager” of a team at a critically young age, it comes to no surprise that their natural behavioural preference be to patronize or cut you off and tell you how to do it. This is what has enabled them to succeed in most situations. This is how they survived when no one else was there to throw them a life line. 
 
Harry Levinson mentions of the example he describes as abrasive that:

He (the abrasive character in the article) tends to want to do the job himself, however, finding it difficult to lean on others who he feels will not do it to his standards, on time, or with the required finesse.


​career

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​​In fact, if you are dealing with a person who continuously infantilizes you, stop to think what job this person holds. Is there a tendency in their employment choices? Is this person an actual manager of some kind and used to making decisions and calling the shots? That too may be contributing to their natural reflexes to want to give “unsolicited” advice since they are literally paid to do so and sometimes cannot seem to punch out when getting home or attending social events. Especially if they are in the presence of a victim type individuals (also known as the eternal complainers that hold zero accountability for their situation - but that's another kettle of fish) upon which they can pray and further feed the self-glorification of the patronizing lifestyle.

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…and in the case where the person is not of significant superior intellect, perhaps they just have crappy social skills. That is, they mean well but don’t quite know how to express it and it leads to awkward moments. That's a little easier to resolve, simply redirect the conversation or shower with kindness since clearly, the person doesn't know any better.  

Wherever the patronizing soul stems from though, the second I realized and understood where it came from, I was able to better detach from condescending remarks. While they remain stuck on how they do it better, they miss out on the bigger picture. After all, it must get lonely at the top of their know-it-all mountain if they can't admit their own weaknesses and recognize other's competencies. 

Hopefully, this can help some of you as well in the face of patronizing peeps! Let me know what you think in the comments below, I appreciate your feedback :)

​Bee NOT better than thou! 

REFERENCES:
The Abrasive Personality by Harry Levinson

Bird-Chirping suburbs

3/8/2018

 
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​Did you think I forgot about you? That I let my blog go…? NEVA! Or at least, not yet ;) The last time I shared my thoughts, I was living in the city about to start packing my boxes to a new journey in the suburbs. Understandably so, MUCH had to be done from then until now: planning, logistics, wrapping and all the while slowly stripping myself of my Griffintown badge.  Since leaving the city is such a big deal for me, I thought I would give you an update on how it all went down and a few psychological factors that came into play. Also, I will share some realities that occur when arriving in a new hood/home and what helped me out most throughout the process.
 
On June 15th, we traded our efficient city nest for a real suburban bird house. Ok full disclosure: we crashed at my parents’ for almost a month since we were only getting the keys to our new home on July 9th. May the universe bless and guard such generous and welcoming individuals for putting up with my chaos.


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Getting into Gear with the new

So after we packed our boxes, lived with them for a while, then unpacked them…I found myself super excited but also, quite overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the physical and cerebral energy of the move but also by the home itself and it felt like so much was going on at the same time. It was weird. “What am I doing here?” part of me thought “did we really need all this space? The city’s so far away…”. Say waaaaaat?!? This was clearly old Ivana talking mixed with fear. This was also 100% normal. Considering that environment and culture are VERY important to me (says so in my psychometric test results too), I had just lost my highly active and stimulating hood along with my good old habits, my morning routine which I had perfected down to every second and most of all, I just missed the feeling of being “home”.
I had two choices:
  1. Keep looking back and complain about the change (K full disclosure: I did that for a while. I’m a Leo: coolest personality, hottest temper) but then, what? Go back to a squeezed condo and do the same thing over again? No. Even old fearful Ivana knows that’s not right.
  2. OR Jump in and get back to my enthused self I mean c’mon!! I always wanted a house, it was just a bit scary now that it was actually here. All three floors of it looking at me expectantly. 
I chose option 2 and that’s when I realized that I needed to set up camp in this new home ASAP and set up camp we did. In a few weeks we had transferred in and with lots of help, got lots done. Slowly but surely, I was already developing new reflexes for my new home. The moment I did that, the pages of my life at the Lowney were slowly turning to let a new chapter begin. The one where I actually have room for my drums! 

I said I would share a few tips on what helped me most during our move, and still today as we are still unboxing and getting settled in. 

sustain structure while accepting chaos

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I was no pro at moving since this was my very first official move. Moving downtown was relatively easy since we had no furniture and purchased everything more or less as we moved in. So this time, I knew I needed to establish a system. It really helped to have a structured way of packing. This may seem trivial but writing the name of the room in which the packed items are is ESSENTIAL but also writing a few of the packed items on the box will help you remember where everything is, should you for example be looking for something important in the middle of it all. N.B. The person who does most of the packing will be responsible for knowing how all objects are regrouped, if you don’t want that responsibility to yourself, share it with your partner and get him or her involved in the joys of packing. 

On the other hand, as much as structure helps in staying organized and abreast of things, there will be moments of pure chaos where one does not know where everything is and there are just boxes everywhere and all your stuff is mismatched. That doesn't matter anymore. You need to survive and that means accepting that you won't be as efficient right away in your new routine. For a while. I'm working on that.
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GSD LISTS

Having a TO-DO list. That simple. I have a notebook in which I write all of what needs to be done, even of it’s an OBVIOUS task that you are sure to remember. Write that sh*t down. There is so much to think of, do yourself a favour and release your hippocampus from having to hold all that information for too long. It was so efficient, Phil and I were addicted to that notebook and kept close tabs on it. Sure enough, all was getting crossed off in a timely fashion.
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advice: take some, leave some

So as with every situation come the experts. I have no problem in hearing tips and tricks (as I am sharing some myself right at the moment), but both the attitude with which it is presented and the credibility of the source are important. Also, keep in mind that you may be tired and wired and therefore not receptive to hearing any of what other people have to tell you about your move (not theirs). So far the best advice I heard was “live in the house before hurrying set it up” which I 100% agree with. While there are things you can easily buy (TV, couch, bed), the rest will require time to get to know the house and your habits around it. Unlike the condo where we got to select our colour scheme, cabinets, tiles and floors, a new house is not a blank canvas. You have to work with what's there and with a budget. Styles and décor are so personal and everyone will have their two cents. Take some, leave some.

crushing crappy comments

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“Wow, all this space for TWO people!” – to which I respond that my pet zebra, giraffe and two monkeys will be moving in too to fill the space. Oy….really? Then again, when we first got the condo everyone was all “but it’s so small”. People will judge.
 
“OMG so much cleaning to do!” – FALSE! Though I have heard this one right left and center, I have had LESS cleaning to do. How? There air is clean in the suburbs. There is simply less dust, period.
 “OMG you have to water the grass” – FALSE! Just kidding, that one’s TRUE I just wanted to make your eyebrows lift for a bit. Lucky me I have a husband who is all over that. And there is nothing like the sight of him happy and satisfied holding a huge bucket full of pulled out weeds.
 

building bridges

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While we left the proximity of friends in the city, we also gained back our childhood friends who remained in the West Island. We also have had many cool new neighbours welcoming us with friendly gifts and kind greetings. They don’t know it yet but I’m planing on making some sweet treats for them too, ya know, once I know where my mixer is. Just kidding. it’s on the top right of the left cupboard. Like I said, structure.
 
While I was always so attached to the city, here are some awesome newfound perks of the suburban life if you are one still debating:
 
  1. Privacy. This one’s big. While I loved the mingling effect of condo living, the last few years were a little rougher than I’d like to admit in putting up with strangers. I now have a backyard I can chill in. No more cigarette or god-knows-what-else smoke, loud (and not good) music at night, people’s trash and bad habits
  2. Two words: walk-in closet
  3. SPACE: no more playing Tetris to store anything and no more being a contortionist to get to anything
  4. Music: I will be getting a piano and my drums back, finally! 
  5. Hot baths! In the city, we had opted for a shower with no tub. Now? bubbles, candles, classical music with a good book. That is my treat after work.
  6. Embracing the train ride: so far the train has never been late. While this does mean I am regimented by train schedules (I choose not to drive in the city), it forces a clean cut with leaving work at a certain time and the ride enable me to relax, listen to my music and let my thoughts drift…
  7. The sheer amount of sunlight that enters the home is phenomenal. This was a key element in purchasing our home (sun orientation in the backyard especially). However I am delighted at the amount of sun that lights up every room throughout the day.
  8. The birds do chirp and it’s lovely.
 
Slowly but surely, we are taking care of this lovely new home and I am beginning to feel as one with it. It will take time to be fully set up and all decorated but we are taking the advice of first living in it to see what we need.
 
To this day, I still find it hard to believe that ten years have gone by since our early days in the Griffintown hood. Back when there were no restaurants open for brunches on weekends, one pharmacy, one expensive grocery store and everything had yet to develop. In a snap, or so it seems, everything popped up like mushrooms. New condos buildings, four new pharmacies, SAQ, Winners, Dollarama, etc. This reassures me, because it also means that the REM (Réseau Express Métropolitain) is sure to appear faster than we expect. But that’s for another post! Until then, this city dweller still takes long walks on St-Catherine’s street to recharge her nervous system before headed to the bird chirping suburban dream.
 
Have YOU moved this year? Do you feel connected to your community? 
 
New Bee hive xx

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Bee-coming and changing, onward and upward!

10/6/2018

 
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​Dear bee readers,
 
I have been quiet on my blog as I was busy with interesting work projects, a vacation in Guadeloupe (made a video of course) and other important life events as well. And as I write this on my  balcony, a loud pounding sound is slicing through my every thought. Summer is upon us and monster construction has awoken yet again. The hammering of heavy machinery at ungodly hours, the dust that accumulates and that I breathe on a daily basis and not to mention complexity of getting around town, even as a pedestrian. As a Montrealer having lived in the city for ten years, I can take my fair share of noise, chaos and nonsense. Like any other urban person, sirens and crowds are part of the daily hustle. This year though, something has changed. 

​It has come to a point where everywhere I look, there’s an orange sign that says « RUE BARRÉE », everywhere I walk, there’s an orange sign that says « DÉTOUR », every day, there’s an additional set of scaffolding that spreads out and makes me reroute yet again. Every day, there’s a clear sign in my head that my good old routine is hanging on by a thin thread.
 
While I know my city is undergoing overhauls for great real estate development while getting a major facelift, my tolerance for the mayhem and space limitations has reduced through time and what was once stimulating has become irritating. It no longer feels like I can grow the way I want to. No, I am not referring to having children, though that could also be problematic, rather, there’s no room to experience anything different. 
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If I want to play the piano or the drums, host a decent dinner with my family, not have to be a contortionist to grab a glass of wine or reach for the vacuum…or how about having my own front door? That could be cool.
 
Then I wondered.
 
Is it just the city that’s changed or could I be…no. Could it be? I, Ivana, the eternal city dweller, is ready to trade the city buzz for grass? What’s next, The Beatles suck?
 
It was inevitable, I had to face the toughest person out there: myself.
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​As with any change, heart to heart talks with your expert judgmental self are essential. Being a nostalgic soul and one who strives on the efficiency of routine, I knew far too well that moving would be difficult. When I first came to live in the city, I immediately fell in love with its vibe and pedestrian lifestyle. The never-ending flow of people charges my nervous system like nothing else. The festivals, artistic activities, beautiful building juxtapositions everywhere…I never imagined ten years would go by so fast. It truly does fly when you have a blast and I latched on tight.
 
That’s just it though, time is not stopping and while living in a lovely and modern condo in the city has been glorious, we have outgrown our shell a while ago now. It was never meant to be the “forever home” and life cannot just revolve around practicality. 
 
I finally feel that a shift is necessary to experience something else. Something big. A place that feels like home, and we have finally found it! Though I'm super excited to take the plunge, I know this means making choices and saying good bye...Good bye to something that has been home for a decade now. But it's time. Time to let go of the past and welcome new traditions! 
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I will forever be a city dweller, that’s not going to change, and thankfully, I’ll be coming to town every day to get my fix ;)
 
Though I know it will take some time to adjust to my new suburban environment, it is one that I know well and am more than ready to be reacquainted with now! And while I am thrilled to jump forward, I can’t help but look back and wink at my Griffintown hood as I leave yet another piece of my heart and youth there.
 
Bee moving! 
x

In 2011 I had wanted to make a happy and fun video of the city life, showing what a night on the town with my girlfriends was like. I only got around to editing the footage this year, which is perfectly timed with my move. The universe has a good sense of humour ;)

What's your lunar personality? You'll know with Moonglow !

18/3/2018

 
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Ever wondered what psychological effects lunar phases have on human behaviour? In a holistic point of view, I certainly have! While the full moon significantly influences the movements of tides on the planet's oceans, what is to be said of the internal human tides? After all, are we not made up of water by 60%? Even if we disregard this fact, it would be hard to say that the amount of daylight that we see everyday does not impact out daily activities, let alone our mood. Why, one of the most legendary rock albums was named after the dark side of the moon, which by the way, just celebrated 45 years according to this article. 
Animation by: Ivana Lemme
Myself? I was born in the summer so I am creature of the sun. Funnily though, my nonna always nicknamed me "lunella", which means little moon. The sight of the moon has since then taken on a special meaning to me. That being said, the Leo in me struggles with the winter months as I slowly turn into a pale ghost copy of myself and wonder why it is so difficult to get up in the morning. At first, we romanticize with fall, getting seduced by all that cocooning spirit and pumpkin spice lattes, making it easier to accept shorter and colder days. After Christmas though, the real challenge starts. And so here we are, middle of March with still no sign of springtime in the city, as usual. Clearly I am not the only one on this planet being affected by sunlight, right? According to all the Instagram posts I see about Montreal snow and weather: right.
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Rose gold meteor necklace and classic pewter birthstone necklace Photo by: Ivana Lemme
PicturePhoto by: Ivana Lemme

What about the lunar phase we were born in? Does that not also influence what kind of individual we are and become? Do you wonder about how the lunar activities we are born under predisposes us to a personality type more than another? Amazingly, you can find out by checking out moonglow.com ! This unique jewelry company can tell you exactly what moon phase you were born in and what it means, along with personality tendencies for each. The best part? you can immortalize any precious day and its moon phase in the jeweler of your choice. Say whaaat?! Yep! Bracelets, necklaces, bangles, earrings, pendants and more. Another cool feature that will bring out your inner child? When exposed to daylight, the moon will glow in the dark. 

Want to encourage local business? Know that Moonglow saw its first days in 2003, with Canadian artist Luc Rouleau and that all products are hand-finished here in Canada. Moonglow has since added many other new products to their line such as the Byron bracelet, meteor necklace in rose gold, my two personal favorite purchases, and many other styles. There are still the classics from the very beginning like the birthstone necklace in pewter which I also received as a gift from my mother in law many moons ago ;)

For the Byron bracelet, I chose the June 20th 2015 moon to celebrate my wedding anniversary. For the rose gold necklace, I chose my birthday moon! In doing so, I found out I was born in the waning crescent and here is what Moonglow states about that lunar period: 

WANING CRESCENT PERSONALITY
Waning into total darkness, the moon’s shrinking light may decrease illumination in the night sky yet intensifies psychic illumination for those born under its influence. Feeling attuned to psychic experiences and dreamy, otherworldly dimensions is not uncommon as the imagination is in full force during this slim moon phase. Their challenge is not to lose sight of the real world while staying connected to this spiritual gift from the Universe that bridges them to energies beyond the earthly realm." -Moonglow

Fascinating and intriguingly accurate! All of this magnificent jewelry is available for purchase at www.moonglow.com. What about you bee reader, which lunar phase were you born in? Which moon date would you chose to wear?

Bee shootin' for the moon!  x

Ballet and Photography at Le PARLOIR

23/2/2018

 
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The ballerina and writer cheering at Le PARLOIR! Leotards by Dell Aira Designs Morgan Petroski Photography
Three amazing women making a living of their art and passion: The entrepreneur, the ballerina and the photographer. Last Saturday, at 12:56PM, I was getting out of a taxi while carrying at least four bags and running on the snow covered sidewalks of Griffintown to make a photoshoot appointment I had organized with a ballerina and her student in a private wine club. That's right, you read correctly. I was meeting two dancers and a photographer to capture the grace and beauty of ballet at Le PARLOIR- caves privées. Why oh why would I do this? In the world of me, why NOT ?

The entrepreneur: Le PARLOIR - Caves Privées

PictureLeotard by Dell Aira Designs - Morgan Petroski Photography
Located on Guy street between Notre-Dame and William, Le PARLOIR is a private club that offers an innovating membership concept for wine collectors.  Perfect for those who wish to grow their wine cellar space in the city (Ahem...or literally because you are running out of space), Le PARLOIR allows you to store your bottles in a space size and controlled temperature that is convenient for you while providing a gorgeous and private lounge to enjoy a glass of your favourite drink! When I say gorgeous lounge, I mean pretty much everyone who first enters this place has to pick up their jaw from the floor (I mean just look at this photo right here).  With its brass bar stools, exquisite granite countertops and leather touches, the ambiance is that of an elegant vintage style and yet cozy with the velvety seaters, warm lighting and Persian rugs. Did I mention the music? Since it is a private club, the place is never overflowing with people and is perfect for small networking meetings, happy hour with close friends and being part of a wine loving community. It is of course possible to host a larger group for special events, but one must see about that with the lovely owner: Sandrine Balthazard!  

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Possessing a B.Sc in Entrepreneurial and Organizational Leadership from HEC, Sandrine Balthazard is the founder of the fabulous PARLOIR. With her in-depth knowledge of the wine business and charming personality, Sandrine couldn't be a better pioneer and leader in the launch of this concept. One fine evening, Phil and I were hosting a traditional "Tuscan wine night" with good friends at Le PARLOIR, which let's face it, has become the extension of our living room at this point and while admiring the place as I had done a million times before, I suddenly saw ballet movements in perfect harmony with the beauty of this place.  In my mind: a coupé passé over here, an adagio over there - YES!  Being quite artistic herself (you should see her paintings), Sandrine agreed almost instantly as I suggested the photoshoot idea to her, quickly grasping the vision I had in my head and generously offered the lounge. Lucky me, I happen to know a certain ballerina who might be available for this...

The ballerina - DellAira Designs

PictureLeotard by Dell Aira Designs - Morgan Petroski Photography
Having befriended the enchanting soloist Sahra Maira from Les Grands Ballets Canadiens, I couldn't help but think of her as the star ballerina for this project. When you meet someone as kind and as hard-working, it is inevitable. As some of you already know, this particular dancer leads a double career: one as an accomplished dancer and one as a seamstress. Not only does she dance, she also started DellAira Designs, her very own line of dance-wear. You can either buy from pieces she already made or pick the fabric, style and measurements and voilà! You got yourself a one-of-a-kind dance leotard or elegant outfit for a night out on the town. The demand for these leotards (and bike-tards!) is increasingly high as they are handmade and the quality is hard to beat. Much of her work is showcased in the photos of the shoot! Click here to check them out!

Needless to say, Sahra was thrilled at the idea and accepted to participate in this photoshoot project. Not only that, she suggested to bring one of her students, Lola Oliveras Lafrance, a brilliant addition to the team and introduced me to the wonderful individual who would crystallize this idea into reality...

The Dance Photographer - Morgan Petroski Photography

PictureThe one and only Morgan Petroski by Morgan Petroski Photography of course!
With a Bachelor's degree in Journalism and a background in documentary photography and portraiture, Morgan's professional work always tells a story. With many years of experience under her belt, it is quite impressive to watch her work: sizing the room, the ease witch which she identified the right angle down to the smallest of details. Morgan is also quite knowledgable of the ballet movements and poses, there was a strong understanding of the dance photography I had never seen before. She knew the ballet vocabulary and what poses would maximize the effect she was looking for and in talking with her, I discovered that she too had been a dancer for many years. Being a photographer capturing dancers truly is the combination of two passions!

Watching it all unfold right before my eyes was amazing. Everyone collaborating like we'd been doing this every weekend: Sandrine opening up shop for us and giving us carte blanche, Sahra and Lola organizing outfits and lacing up into pointes almost immediately, Morgan rearranging furniture (with the precious help of Dino!) and it all went seamlessly. The hours flew by and all day I watched the beautiful ballerinas jumping or posing so delicately, knowing well the necessary strengths behind every movement, under the conceptual eyes of Morgan. Aaaaand they also threw me in there for a a few shots, wearing a leotard that Sahra made special for me! (I love it!!) I don't have half the grace of a ballerina, but my heart as a writer and art advocate is full. Orchestrating this event which brought entrepreneurs, professionals and artists together and seeing the final product is so rewarding. Not only are all three women incredibly talented and dedicated, their kindness blew me away and made this project all the more memorable. Turns out, it was a pretty good idea after all...or perhaps I should let the breathtaking photos speak for themselves! ;)

Sandrine Balthazard, Sahra Maira (Lola Oliveras Lafrance), and Morgan Petroski, thank you!

What about you bee reader? What's an idea you want to see realized? 
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Cheers to you! Leotard by Dell Aira Designs - Morgan Petroski Photography

Are smartphones killing our social skills?

20/1/2018

 
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By Ivana Lemme
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​Remember the time when you stood in an elevator and the person walking in from another floor made eye contact with you? Said a low but precious “hi” or just acknowledged your presence somehow? It was cool, wasn’t it… 

A few years ago, I was leaving work later one evening to go to ballet class. As I was waiting, I fetched my earphones to have my music ready for my commute. I actually try not to put my earphones on in the elevator out of respect for those around me but seeing that it was 7 pm, I figured there wouldn’t be anyone there. The elevator dings at its arrival, I step in and saw a gentleman standing there. Noticing my earphones the man commented on how the younger generation is always “connected”. What he did not know is that my music was not playing yet. The ONE time I decided to play my music in the elevator, I get busted AND judged for it, giving a bad name to my generation on top of it. It was for music, not candy crush, but I understand what it looks like from the outside. I of course immediately turned around, took my earpieces out and said smiling “not all of us ” to his surprise. Ever since then though, this further reinforced my habit of keeping my earphones out of sight so long as there are people around me in the elevator and on my way in and out of the work environment. Had this been the eighties, I would have had earphones and a chunky yellow Sony Walkman and the man would have made the same comment. He had a point though, must we always be connected? 

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Standing in the elevator my way down this week, I decided to pay attention to individuals walking in at each stop, as I usually do, but this time I noted who was looking up and who was looking down at their phone *crowd gasps in shock* Why would I conduct such an elaborate and scientific experiment you ask? I was curious to see how many of us make a conscious effort to have contact with others. And it IS a CONSCIOUS effort to battle the habit of automatically reaching for our phone to fill, what, one minute of an elevator ride with mindless phone browsing? We can hardly get a glance from anyone anymore. Someone actually saying hello seems to be a miraculous surviving breed of humans. Indeed, the social skills that were once presented during those few instants shared with strangers are slowly being pulverized by our attachment to our mobile phones. ​

Increasing efficiency at a cost...

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This happens all the time of course. Those little in-between moments when we used to let our brain chill and relax while waiting to start the next task are now almost all occupied by, you know it, cell phone checking. When we stop to think of it, our phones are now computers that have the ability to take photos, share information and...oh yeah, make phone calls. With our lifestyle being that of speed, we try and stay productive each second of the day. Yet, the fact that smartphones offer the possibility to do more with them, especially checking social network sites, is what constitutes the instigation to addiction. Why? Because if those social networks (i.e. likes, comments) produce any kinds of positive feedback while we use them (which they do), that is what reinforces its use (James Robert, 2014).

According to Aric Suber-Jenkins in the What your smartphone addiction is doing to your brain article "Any entity that can produce a pleasurable sensation has the potential of becoming addictive”, quoting a study ran by James Robert, a marketing professor at Baylor University. Furthermore, Suber-Jenkins goes on to explains that according to the study, the features that are most commonly used on our cell phones - email, texting and social media – seem to activate the same neurological circuits that other more “traditional” addictions do. This seems alarming and yet, not surprising at all. 


Alone time with our thoughts...

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We find ourselves unconsciously searching for our cell phone to check emails pretty much anywhere and at any time. While it may be quite practical at times, this does reinforce a reflex to continuously verify the status of things on our smartphones or tablets to stay on top of things. This, in turn, goes on to essentially kill any innocently free moment we have to ourselves. Even a simple task like walking has become dangerously invaded by our mobile phones. All of these constant human-to-electronic device interactions leave us less time for human-to-human interactions. Our mobile phones activities are therefore unsurprisingly changing our cognitive reflexes and the manner in which we build and develop our relationships, and experts say this could even leave us with higher levels of social anxiety (Caglar Yildrim from Sandee LaMotte, 2017).

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As if this wasn’t enough, technological advancements are actually fostering individuals to do more with their phone by asking us to cash cheques by phone, pay your milk and bread by phone, get your receipt by email, scan your plane ticket with your phone, scan your rebate coupon, etc. Once again, these are all very practical and paperless which is good for the environment (yaaay!) but while we are attempting to limit our phone usage, everything around us is encouraging us to use it. Get out of the way “FOMO” (Fear Of Missing Out) NoMophoBia is here! You read correctly, and this, of course, stands for “No Mobile Phone phoBIA”. Understandably a very common concept among us in 2018, mentions Sandee LaMotte (2017) in his article entitled “Smartphone addiction could be changing your brain”. In this piece the author reviews a variety of studies, though some using rather small study groups, revealing that the addictiveness of the smartphones could be hindering our ability to be attentive. In my opinion, this is a self-feeding cycle…

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We are reinforced to use our cell phones by positive rewards like messages, likes, and comments which decrease our human interactivity in real time which consequently, in time, decreases our social abilities which then feeds the need to use our cell phones to fill the “awkward” moments we spend with strangers we don’t know how to interact with. 

Tolerating, scratch that, enjoying the in-between moments of nothing

Luckily for previous generations, like mine, who grew up without these devices already possess a set of social skills (that did not include “filters”) and the awareness to catch ourselves in our habits and make an effort to control the use. The concern is for the later generations that may already be using these devices at a critical age where cognitive and social development occur. So, the psychology message behind this is to increase awareness of our phone usage from savage to normal and to not be afraid to take a break and slow down the pace. My way of doing so is to take back those peaceful moments when we are “in-between”: waiting for the bus or the metro, sitting in a lobby waiting for an appointment, waiting in line at the grocery store, walking home (ok I do have music then) and other moments like those to let my mind drift in a daydream and just bee… ;)

How about you? Do you find you are addicted to your smartphone or is it all good?

The psychological truth behind content creation

4/1/2018

 
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PictureSource cred: Giphy
I got your attention with that title, didn’t I? This is quite a popular topic among bloggers, influencers and all other names you giveth thee. Considering the amount of information that is accessible on this topic, I thought it would be interesting to launch 2018 by exploring the behaviours around content creators. January and February can be a little slow while we are hanging in the winter vortex and many of us writers can be asking ourselves: what should I write about?
 
But first, what is content creation?
 
Put very simply, content creation is the act of, well, creating content. Pretty much what I am doing at the moment: writing about something, expressing thoughts targeting a certain audience. Content creation can also be photography, video montages and other types of format.
 
Back to the initial question: what should I write about?
 
Myself? I could write for days. In the world of me, a blank page is stimulating, like a blank canvas, it means possibilities. Why I have the stories in my head right now. The challenge is: will what I write be engaging? Will my content be informative? Because let’s face it, the motivation to write and share is usually to engage and inform, to inspire and transform one word at a time. That being said, even though we may have billions of ideas percolating in our head, it doesn’t mean that any of them will be a pertinent topic for the target audience. What would give our own content significant traction? What behaviours revolve around successful content creators? Since I am no content creator expert, I am in no position to give advice here. However, as a career counsellor expert, I have spotted a few psychological truths and behavioural tendencies that can explain part of the success these folks have. These are hardly secrets but I still think they should be explained and reviewed as it can take the pressure off and perhaps also engage and inspire? ;)

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Content creators have a team. Don’t be fooled by the solo act. A behavioural tendency that these individuals have in common is that they are highly self-aware. They know their strengths and accept what their weaker links are and therefore, are not shy to invest in the proper tools they require to achieve their goals. Most online content creators that do well have a team assisting them in developing and maintaining their brand. An “entourage” if you will, of specialists like a glam squad for hair and makeup, photographers and touch up artists that will analyze every inch of those photos (...then again Botox, lip injection and teeth whitening frenzy are still very much present but between that and filters who can tell anymore?). Also, don’t go thinking all of those professional photos, videos, websites, logos, and more have magically appeared. There are graphic designers, advisors, “photoshopers” and more that are once again part of the team. Even if the creator is a photographer, for example, he or she will still need to take time to sort and edit. While they are doing all that, less time can be spent on generating more content. Which leads me to my next point...is all this time allocated to inventing material actually getting remuneration? That depends.

Is the content creator doing it to make a living out of it or just for the free props and events? 

PictureSource cred: Giphy
CEO of Media Shower, John Hargrave says: “Online content creators get paid far less than they are worth”. How true this is, at least for individuals starting out on their own and not creating content for an already existing business or company. Many are extremely talented and work through blood, sweat and tears at generating and editing posts, videos, texts but not a penny will roll in if there is no product or service to be sold. Apart from getting visibility through sponsors or YouTube Ads (and you will need a lot of those), as Hargrave explains in his article, there needs to be a business to sell or a second income. So what are the psychological or behavioural tendencies here? Prosperous online content creators are true social butterflies and have harnessed a solid network foundation long before launching social media channels. This audience ensures followership and increases business. Guess what, 80% of all employment opportunities are in the hidden market. Those precious contacts enable them to stay in the know of upcoming tendencies and new business opportunities.

PictureSource cred: Giphy
Successful content creators are excellent communicators. They shine under the spotlight and have a natural talent for the written word and/or are very well spoken. They possess a clear vision as to where they want to take their followers and will do so with wittiness and a great sense of humour. The power to convince is a strong force but one has to be convinced to be convincing. Keeping it authentic is key. Their vision is what keeps them motivated and of course motivation fuels perseverance to achieve.
 
I have found that for most of the popular online content creators, education does not seem to have an impact on their credibility. At first glance, experience, name dropping, and followership are what define credentials. While I am certainly not saying content creators are uneducated, far from it actually. Degrees just don't appear to be a sought out thing in the "about/bio" section. This movement is quite interesting to some extent as entrepreneurial efforts and supporters are placed forward. There exists a vibe of encouragement, of boldness and excitement in launching one's brand online. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram have definitely evolved with their members and cultivated an even stronger adherence by creating business profiles. Allowing sellers and shoppers to coexist in a productive harmony.

On the other hand, the purchasing client should obviously be concerned if the individual is selling personal “counselling”. While there are many schools of thought, the individual should be a member of the appropriate professional association ensuring proper practice and that a certain code of ethics is being respected. That’s my career counsellor hat talking here ;)

PictureSource cred: Giphy
In hopes that this article was informative and inspiring, these were my simple observations on what behaviours successfully shape content creation.
 
What bloggers do you prefer most? What makes you read an article? What IGers do you find inspiring and why?
 
I’d love to hear your thoughts/comments.
 
Bee writing x

What I learnt from 2017

9/12/2017

 

Holiday Giveaway! 

To thank you for being part of this bee community, I am giving this cute  Tinybumblebee mug away! Start 2018 with a new cup for your fresh brew. Follow me on Instagram to know how to win it :)
Hello bee readers, 
I have been meaning to write for quite some time but for some reason, every time I picked up my virtual pen to begin, the subject I had in mind didn't seem quite right or deep enough. In those cases I rather hold back than write only for the sake of adding content (like some blogs we know all too well...ahem!).

As the end of 2017 approaches, the need to stop and look back on the past year always arises. As intellectual and emotional beings, it is only human to want to process and define all that we have gone through and make something of it. This gives us the perception of control that we need to function better with. That is, if we can properly describe where we stand now, we have a clearer vision for what we are aiming for next. True, this is something we should do on a regular basis not simply at the year's end, but we are also social creatures and perhaps feel more accountable doing this analysis along with the rest of the world.

For my part, here are some take away messages I have understood from 2017...
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2017 reminded me of how quickly life can turn around, in an instant. As well as I know this and I am the first to always  say how life is now (and let's not confuse that with YOLO) my inner circle was shook with the threat of illness. The universe launched thunder bolts of life and death related events, taking us all by surprise, we plunged head first in an overwhelming reality. Thankfully everyone is well now. 2017 reminded us all not to take health and longevity for granted and further reinforced that life is now. Feel it now, say it now and no regrets. The dust has been shaken off and we are turning a page to something new, something very good. Gratefully also, quite a few rainbows appeared after the storm and my family grew, in all senses of the term. 

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2017 has badgered me with situations that have taught me to let go. That is something that is VERY difficult for me to do. Especially when it comes to matters of justice. If I feel  a situation is unfair, I tend to get involved even if it's not my problem but for someone important to me. Something snaps inside and I need to fight for that cause. To argue and push until fairness is reached. Unfortunately, as you already know, not all situations can be won and some will take more time to come around. Some may never come at all! 2017 pushed me to yes, be the change I want to see. I learned to stop myself in my tracks before stepping into my armour and grabbing my sword. I had talks with myself, out loud to weigh the battles I was considering. While looking at the big picture I asked myself: "Is the cause truly worth it? Will the audience ever truly recognize what I am trying to say here?" and if the answer was no, I discarded all thoughts of engaging my energy any further and spared it for other more important matters. It was no easy task since by nature, I am one to persist. I was surprised at how well I let my temper cool off once I realized the situation in question just was not worth any shred of my efforts. How empowering it is to rise above and let go of the insignificant. I was pleasantly surprised by the universe's way of smiling and nodding at me for those glorious moments. I got a few pearls of wisdom this year.

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2017 made me see how high I place the bar for myself. In terms of accomplishments and as a family member even. I work hard to be all that I can be as a daughter, as a sister, as a wife, as a career counsellor, as an "artist", as a Montrealer and while I am very content with all that I do and who I am as a person, I never quite seem to do enough. I am easily impressed by others' talents. This admiration of others while harmless does come with the price of blinding me to my own achievements and talents a short time after I reached them. While I am proud of myself to a certain level, I will never cease to be inspired by other individuals' abilities. That being said, I have to stop diminishing or underestimating my own. A dear colleague of mine described it as self-advocacy and I am in love with the concept. Doing it however will be a challenge. I will make this a resolution. Even though we should not keep those for the beginning of a new year, the timing seems perfect. It doesn't matter if others can recognize my potential or not. What matters is if Ivana does. For the sake of owning this resolution and to end this post strong...



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2017 reminded me that I am a force of good and of stability. That while organized chaos reigns around me and I witness friends and family deal with cards of moving to a new home, welcoming a baby, handling a divorce, transitioning through career changes, battling illness, celebrating marriage, anything! ...I remain the same through it all. Though it doesn't mean change will not occur or that I don't actively seek it, I seem to always go through very long slices of life with grand discipline. While for some it is to pick up and reroot easily, always starting fresh somewhere new and seeking adventures, my legendary and unsurpassed talent is to grow strong below the surface and stride along unwavering. It seems that my purpose is to be a source of stable energy and strength in the good and in the bad for all who cross my path (well would ya look at that...I complimented myself!). Even my leo zodiac quality is "fixed" ;) Let's take a few examples:

University studies: 8 years 
First job after that: 8 years and counting...
Living downtown: 9 years and counting...



Clearly I value experience and investing in long term relationships be them professional or friendly. Sure, my perseverance makes me stubborn: you'll have to convince me to change my mind. But if there's something you can count on is that, as previously mentioned, I won't let go easily and I will keep rediscovering what it is I believe in most and you, reader, are part of that! :)

I thank you bee readers for having read me, a little, a lot, throughout this year. 
​​May 2018 grant your heart's desires. If you could wrap up 2017 in one word, what would it be? Mine would be: growth! 

Bee in health and happiness, always...

​x

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Choreographer, Dancer and Producer Eva Kolarova launches new community engaging performance: BLUE DEPENDENCE

18/10/2017

 
Pictureby Romain Lorraine
Dear bee readers, 

As you know, I am a big fan of the arts, especially music and dance, and I am absolutely delighted to inform you that I will be attending what is sure to be a moving and inspiring performance: BLUE DEPENDENCE by the talented Eva Kolarova on Friday. 

When we met just last Sunday, I was able to discuss with her and go in depth on the purpose and all of the preparation behind this show. I was amazed at the dedication and pure passion that was sitting right in front of me. Having been a professional dancer for many years now, Eva admitted she always had the desire to one day be choreographing performances and take the lead on making her very own creations. Sure enough, BLUE DEPENDENCE is her third full length show. This time, however, not only is she self-producing it entirely, she is performing in it as well and the amount of effort required for this kind of project is quite grueling. Yet, there she is, taking the time to have a coffee with me while orchestrating it all. 

Purpose

As we were chatting, Eva mentioned that there are many schools of thought on choreography and while there is none better than the other, she values the clarity of the message that is being conveyed in the work she creates: "I usually have a story and clear message. I really want to have an impact and for the person to have clear thoughts on the subject" she says. And what is the subject, the true purpose of BLUE DEPENDENCE? Addiction, which is something that "really bothers me, it is all over". She clarified that while we may typically think of addiction as dependence on a drug, it can present itself in quite many different ways. The dependence we have on technology, or our computers and smart phones for example "even dependence to another person" she mentions is something to be included in addiction. She is quite right! BLUE DEPENDENCE depicts the journey and the emotions that the individual goes through when dealing with addiction. 
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edited by Paolo A.Santos

Why BLUE? 

So of course, I had to ask...why BLUE and not yellow? ;) "It is everywhere, it is a colour we can all see and connect with easily. It is also poetic!" fair enough. Perhaps also, we tend to feel a little blue at times when dealing with such afflictions. 
​

Community engagement 

Another unique element of this humble artist is the connection she is striving to build with her community. She took it upon herself to reach out to rehabilitation and healing centers to personally invite clients to her show. This performance would obviously be a cathartic experience in terms of expressing the motions they are living. She even met with a therapist who handles such cases to help her portray an authentic story from beginning to end: the euphoria, the struggle, the desperation and perhaps also a little peace. 
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It takes a team

Pictureby Sasha Onyshchenko
On top of handling the choreography and the dancing, Eva is showing tremendous leadership by managing all communication, marketing, networking including the logistics that inevitably comes with the organization of such a performance. Everything is falling into place for the two performances that are taking place October 20th and 21st at Places des Arts (my new home these days!) and though Eva very much enjoys choreography creation, the thrills of performing on stage call to her still. 

​What marked me most however was the recognition she feels and demonstrates for her team as well as the fraternity they share: "
I am so lucky to have beautiful artists with me. The composers, lighting experts and all of my dancers are extremely talented" she mentions. "I am grateful for their trust and all of the energy they are giving to me and to this project". ​

And how lucky we, Montrealers, are to have such artists in our city, pouring their heart and souls into its improvement and evolution, one great performance at a time.

Bee there on Friday! Can't wait!

​P.S. Get your tickets here! 
​xx

Artists involved: 
Choreographer - Eva Kolarova
Dancers - Sara Harton, Eva Kolarova, José Flores, Francois Richard
Concept for Video Projection and photo material - Paolo A.Santos
Music composer - Charles Bicari and Alder & Ash
Lighting Designer and Technical Director - Pierre Lavoie

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    My name is Ivana. I love photography and meeting people. I hold a Master's in counselling psychology and work as a career consultant. Music is my fuel and an important source of energy in my life. I drive my vespa around the city and I love what I do! :) About this blog: me on my artistic soap box!

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