Ever woke up from a vivid dream feeling like you actually lived it? Certainly! Happens quite often right? Nothing surprising there. Ever woke up from a dream knowing you met up with someone you love who has died? Yep! Wait, what?! You read correctly and once again, I certainly did and oh what a visit it was! It was so powerful that I decided to share it here with you. Meanwhile, the anniversary of the visitor's death is quite close so why not make this sort of celebratory.
About a month ago I think, actually I now know, that I've experienced what is known as a "Visitation dream". A visitation dream is a dream in which the dreamer is visited by a loved one who is now deceased. Now I know I probably lost a bunch of readers just now, but I strongly believe in the spiritual world and am attentive to all signs that come from the universe or to the least, I try to be. According to my ever in depth research online, it is believed that the reason we have visitation dreams is because "the dream world bridges the gap between the living and the spiritual worlds, making it easier for passed on loved ones to communicate with us" -www.MindfulDreamer.com
Before going to sleep that night...
Before I went to bed, I remember being a bit preoccupied with many things, as all human beings are, that were accumulating on my to do list. Nothing major, just your regular activities but I remember feeling particularly pressed for trying to make everything fit nicely in my schedule and pleasing everyone at the same time (yet another very human being element heh?!). I went to bed asking the universe for clarity or for "things to resolved harmoniously" however it may. I usually throw in requests to the universe when I need anything as well as a thank you for an awesome bed, home, day and life as well.
The visitor: Wesley Bauer
Wesley Bauer was a friend whom I met through another close friend, Andrew, when I was 17 years old and attended Marianopolis College. He lived two blocks away from me and our friendship blossomed via many chatting sessions on ICQ. Wesley wasn't one of those friends I saw often, however, the times that we did see each other and met up are forever clearly stamped in my memory and I cannot think of one that wasn't funny or pleasant. As an individual, I remember Wesley for his kindness and fun-loving (and sometimes twisted) humor! He played bass and I remember sitting behind Andrew's drum set and playing something silly and he immediately picked up on the beat and started playing along with me, swaying his head up and down to the rhythm; he took music seriously, a passion of his. He was tall, blond, wore backward caps, sleeveless shirts and smiled, often. I remember I had met him for lunch at Dawson's College once. Like it was yesterday, I remember not seeing him right away, so I went inside in the entrance to find a payphone to call him (since I only had a pager at the time, ahhh the pagers!), I picked up the phone and as I dialed I saw him walk by so I hung up and ran to him yelling out his name, and there it was again, that ever welcoming smile. We hung out, he showed me around campus since it was very different from Marianopolis. Then we went to grab a bite, at Subways in the food court of Place Alexis Nihon. Funnily enough, I now work in the office towers of Place Alexis Nihon and see Dawson students on a daily basis and the spot where we sat for lunch as well. Coincidence?
We had unbelievably deep conversations during these ICQ chats, one of which, strangely enough, concerning death. He had shared imagining his own funeral and who would come and that dying before his time was his greatest fear but that these thoughts "were just dreams, Ivana". Unfortunately, none of us knew the tragedy that would unfold only two years later, click here if you would like to read about it, I actually found a blogger who describes the story.
Needless to say that what Mr. Bauer did shook worlds and changed many lives. I remember feeling for those who were even closer to him than I was and my, were there ever, are, many who mourned him. While standing in the church and taking in all the individuals who had come, I remembered that conversation we had. I dealt with it in my own way, listening to songs he liked and made me discover ("I miss you" by Incubus) replaying conversations we had and making a collage of pictures to distribute to those who wanted one. It marked me deeply and positively all at once. I decided that nothing must be kept quiet, you just say it, now. Or the moment just passes you by and that may have been your last chance. On September 18th 2011 marked the 10th year of his passing and a few friends gathered in a West Island pub (now know as Pioneer) to share old stories and celebrate our dear Wesley.
The Visit (dream)
The part that involved the visitation went like this: I was at my grand-parents' house with my parents sitting at the kitchen table having espresso. All of a sudden, I get weird text messages. They were pictures of rooms in my grand-parents' home, where I was at that moment "well this is weird, why do I have a picture of the wall and the furniture with no one in it?!" I thought, then it's a if I knew it was Wesley saying "I'm sending you pictures of where I am, right now!" in other words: "I'm here, in the room next door, come see me!!" I just couldn't see him since he was a ghost, they don't show in pictures apparently ;) But when I realized how close he was I excused myself right away from the table and ran to the bedroom, I turned the corner and there he was waiting for me! I immediately ran to him, jumped in his arms and hugged him with a kiss on the cheek! The kind of thing I would truly and honestly do should I see a person I truly miss. I let go of the embrace to face him yet still holding on to his arms and said excitedly: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" looking at him. He was beautiful, well, smiling, happy and most of all shining with so much light. He appeared as though he hadn't changed one bit. He seemed like his 19 year old self with a sleeveless shirt and a backwards cap! amazingly, he answered: "I never died!" I was so shocked by the answer that I froze and a few moments later I woke up.
Feeling upon awakening
In the morning, I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of peace and energy. That everything in my life is good and that it's all going to be ok. I woke up happy, almost in tears not for the sadness, but the inner peace that I felt after seeing him. In the morning, I thought to myself: "hey, I saw Wes last night...cool...WHAT!!!! I SAW WES LAST NIGHT?!?!" That is how vivid and real it was. I felt like we met up, for real, as we did when I met him at Dawson or when he came over that time to lend me his CD player (in exchange for my pager for three weeks). Then I thought, but, it's a dream - but I saw him! His face! We spoke! And though it wasn't an elaborate conversation, the message was clear. I felt like he was saying he was alive (in another way) and well and he is still the person we all knew. Behind that message was reassurance that I can do whatever I want in life! Whatever project whatever I want to do, I just go and do it. Find a way. That's what I understood from it. Life is a gift, go in peace. Wow...the effects of that dream were strong and powerful. It is the first time I have experienced something of the sort.
Of course, I researched it and found many articles and though they don't have empirical data or scientific evidence to prove visitation dreams, they authors identified clear elements that indicate whether the dream indeed a visitation dream or not. I have all of the criteria mentioned. Click here if you would like to read this article.
Thank you Angel of music...
The last time I saw Wes, he was working at Loblaws in the meat department and he was walking back towards the butcher counter after placing freshly wrapped meat in the refrigerated area. There he was, wearing his white lab coat, walking tall as always. I wanted to say hello, but did not want to bother him at the time..."he's working..." I thought, I'll just be annoying. (do you get my life is now motto now?). A few weeks later I had emailed him one of those silly emails that asks random questions about yourself which pretty much no one takes the time to fill out but per chance, Wesley surprised me and answered every single question and emailed it back September 8th 2001, ten days before he passed away. Fortunately, this email served as a great way to remember the kind of person he truly was in the written word. I preciously preserved his email and kept his answers intact, I will share them below for those who would like to reminisce.
To me, it is important to sometimes revisit those memories and be able to laugh at the jokes we shared, smile at the pictures we took and treasure the good that the person has brought me and how great our friendship is (not was). The truth is every person we meet is a potential teacher from whom we will learn something even when they are gone, they live in how we reacted and remember them. In how we take them along. Even when the experience is hurtful, there is still good at the end of it as we will learn from it most probably. It is up to us to learn and move on or stay stuck. Wes wouldn't have wanted us to get stuck anyway :)
I feel privileged to have seen Wes in this way and wonder if others have also been visited as well. Having had this dream in early August, I can't help but share this on this 18th of September. Since that visitation dream, he has been on my mind a lot lately as I see young students with backward caps hanging around Dawson's entrance or smiling when I see Subways in the food court. This blog post is my way of reminiscing and celebrating him. To thank him for the blessing of his appearance in my dream. as well. Wesley was kind and smiled warmly...and apparently, he still does!
Pleasant dreams to you all bee readers! Go bee who you are in the world, your presence is someone else's gift!
Bee (or as Wes liked to refer to me: Tiny hero)
P.S. If you are a believer, apparently when you find feathers or coins on the street, weird coincidences and the likes...those are signs of deceased loved ones that have placed those elements in your path purposely to contact you in a way. We are just sometimes too caught up in routine to pay attention or notice...
Wesley's reply to my silly email ;) Sept. 8th 2001
My name is Ivana. I love photography and meeting people. I hold a Master's in counselling psychology and work as a career consultant. Music is my fuel and an important source of energy in my life. I drive my vespa around the city and I love what I do! :) About this blog: me on my artistic soap box!
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